listening to joy division
while planting about a hundred more flowers today
i get dirty and feeling good
cuts on my hands from guitar
dirt in them
feels weird
i wash my hands and sit down for the first time all day
my brother is being mean, what else is new, i forget how mean he can be sometimes
i don't know what to say to him except
i'm not interested in having this conversation right now
he has taken a finance job instead of a zoo job
because it pays more
he is breaking my heart, i really thought he was changing
when things become more important than people, than animals
i can't get over how fucked up that is
i am worried that he will end up in the suburbs cause i think deep down i know he will
in that frenzy full of bullshit effort, matching garden gloves and tired arguments
i'm not okay with that but it is his life
i just don't want anyone i love to be a drone
is that selfish though?
because it is harder to love drones than people
and i want him to continue to be easy to love
right now is a little hard
we will see how things gooooo
nothing meaningful is coming out of me today
