talking to my friend today i see in her face her glowing youth, i realize my own as well
i am twenty, you are not even
i say, we are babies
we are babies and we still do drugs, we still have sex, we still do all of these things
and then i think for a moment and say
well adults don't really have sex or do drugs anyway
and you say
we don't have sex in the best ways
we have sex with other people in adolescent ways
we have sex in ways less meaningful
than some older people must because we are too young to understand it, and i think that when i have sex it is meaningful, i know that it is always meaningful to me
but i know what you mean
you are probably thinking of your parents, who i think are the only adults i've ever met who are actually still in love, and have been for twenty years which is unfathomable for me to even question or begin to understand
i can only hope that someday
i can have half of what they do
with someone for that long
i feel awkward though, thinking that longevity is the magic key to understanding love or sex
perhaps it is just the intensity that is the key to understanding, or a combination or something larger than anything like that
perhaps it is less complicated than this but i doubt it, i really fucking doubt it
i think it's too complicated for me to ever hope to understand
like most things
but i can accept this, happily
at this point in my life i can accept this and be okay with it
