my father's grandfather gustav
is my favorite member of my entire family
i have only met him once, but i know more about him than anyone else
i have heard more stories about this man than any other human being in my entire life
i wonder so many more things about him, ever since i was little, listening to my dad tell stories about living in california, louisiana, and ohio with his russian grandfather, that he served as a pilot in the war, THE war, THE war, THE war,,,
soldiers from the past so different from the soldiers of the now
stories about watermelon seeds and the tattoo on his left arm
his pocket watch and inability to remember directions
his wife's cooking and his daughters, my grandmother
how insanity ran in his family
his stays at mental hospitals
his gentleness, his four dogs, my father's paper route, gustav's paper sales
reminds me of why i do it, i do it to be closer to them
i cannot talk to them so i will do the same things as them
and i will know them in this way, i will love them in this way
my father loved him more than anyone in the world
i can't imagine my father actively loving anyone, at all
he is the reason my father loves baseball
therefore gustav is the reason why i love baseball
it is in our tree, our lineage and marrow, he has planted a summertime love affair with dirt and scoreboards in our names, the kind of love that lets us share a name
i met gustav once, when i was a baby
he shortly died after the day we met, in his sleep
gustav immigrated to the united states when he was 17, arriving with his four brothers in a harbor in boston
my mom told me that the one time in which our physical paths crossed, he held me for several hours
and called me a baby carrot, with my bright orange red hair, then he stated my name and said,
"Maureen! Oh my. It is suitable, for a baby clearly of Irish heritage."
my mom laughed and said, russian as well, as well
i do not remember this whatsoever, obviously
but i can imagine this happening, from what i knew of him, from the volumes i know of him, from the books i've heard my family speak on him,
i know that
i was safe in his hands and
my name was safe in his mouth
